Mean old man

I'm not one to blog much about anything besides my cute kids but, I had an experience today that I just can't shake. The kids and I had a nice morning, nothing extraordinary. Ironically my visting teachers came this morning and shared a thought on motherhood and I thought about how not a day goes by that I don't feel grateful to be a mother, grateful to have wonderful children and grateful to get to stay home with them each day. We loaded up for a few errands, which I dread but, really did need to be done today. We headed to the bank and got a few suckers at the drive through then straight to Smith's for groceries. They sat in the car shaped cart eating their suckers happily for the first half of the store. Then, Ashley hoped out and grabbed a box of buzz lightyear fruit snacks. We didn't need snacks, especially these ones, I said no and put them back. Que tantrum. We kept going, but skipped just about everything left except milk because this tantrum was loud and I just couldn't seem to distract her with anything else, even the food I had brought in my purse...it was just a really rotten time but, to be honest I've been there before and it wasn't that big of a deal to me. We finished, I ran into a few people I knew and then other well wishing people I didn't know who gave knowing grins and comments. Then it happened. We were at the exit doors, Andrew sitting happily in the cart, Ashley crying on my hip, when an older man, probably between 55 and 65 stopped and said 'I could hear that kid crying clear across the store.' I smiled and he kept talking 'Why don't you just give that kid a sucker?' I responded, 'Oh I already did that' (still thinking he's a nice person), 'You know, that's what you do when you're at a store.' Now at that point I wish I'd known he was planning on attacking me as a mother, rather than simply commenting because I was taken completely off guard and had no comment. And, by then he had an angry look on his face and we had clearly disrupted his fabulous Tuesday morning trip to the check-out line. He was heading out and saw the look of disgust on my face so he stopped and came back in the door to add, 'you know I have kids older than you...' He didn't finish probably because of the scowl on my face and I said 'what a jerk', he turned and shot me evil looks through the glass as he walked away. I didn't know if I should flip him off or cry. I walked to my car completely stunned and then I started to cry. Call it pregnancy hormones or just being a bit tired today but, he made me feel awful. It's every mother's worst fear - that maybe you aren't a good mom, that maybe that rotten man is right. And not only is it possible that I'm a bad mom, I'm bad enough that a complete stranger feels like he must tell me in front of a dozen other people too.

Like every confrontation, I really wish I'd known it was coming or had more time to battle it out with him, even more, I wish Dave had been there, then that man would've really heard it. I'd like to know what kind of dad this man is/was. Did he take toddlers to the store? Did he live through the tantrums each day? Or more likely did their mother do that part? I hope he was a good dad but, I can't help but think he probably didn't have a lot of real dad time or he'd have remembered that the day to day stuff can sometimes be really hard.

What's more, I can't wrap my head around his parenting philosophy that the best way to solve a problem is to put a lollipop in a child's mouth. Is that how his children were raised? Anytime your child cries or wants something or falls or hits or has a tantrum, the answer is a sucker? I'd be scared to see these adults walking around having never learned patience or sharing or coping or discipline or a dozen other qualities any likable person needs.

The last part that I find interesting is why he even cared. Is it too much for people without children to hear a baby cry for 5 minutes, seriously? I can understand at a symphony or play and some other quiet places too but, a grocery store...really? I hope I can always remember to be kind to parents and children, even when my own children are grown and life is more quiet.
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On a very positive note...when we came home it was so obvious that I was sad, Andrew ran off to work on his legos. He came back a while later with a big smile and said, I made a surprise for you...it's your present! So we took a picture and I'm relishing the fact that though I may not do everything right, I do something well because despite their meltdowns, my kids are sweet and caring and fun right to the core.